So much stuff!

So this year I have actually been keeping busy. I just finished working nine days straight (in the sub world that is crazy busy.) I even had a young man comment that I am practically at his school everyday. He ended that conversation by saying "hope you enjoy being here like ALL the time!" Well Mr. Man I do enjoy it.

Getting to sub this much is so great. I get to see a lot of teachers that I really enjoy talking with (because they are amazing!) I get to work with kids who make me have lots of hope for the future (because they are amazing as well!) Also subbing this much gets my teacher ju-ju flowing. (That is not as gross as it sounds.)

By teacher ju-ju, I mean I have been reflecting and learning so much this year. Going all over, helps me to see things from a different point of view. I get to interact with people I don't normally interact with. I also get to ponder problems that I normally don't face. Going to new schools and classrooms allows me to see the many different ways that education issues can be handled. It really is fascinating to see!

Even though working all over this much can be difficult (for example when I forget where I am and have to ask a student for directions back to my own classroom [embarrassing]), I am so grateful for the fantastic experience.

roller coaster

I have not blogged in quite some time because I have been on this crazy roller coaster ride. There have been downer days where I have just wanted to bawl my eyes out. (Like when a parent called to try to get me fired. Never met this person in my life and they set out to ruin my career. Reason for this: because their kid wouldn't stop talking so it took us too long to pass out papers and we were late leaving. Makes sense to anyone? Cuz I'm lost.) There have been upper days when I leave the job feeling like a super star. (Like when a writing guru tells you that you are a really amazing sub and she is going to recommend you to everyone she works with.) Usually these days have a tendency to alternate as well. Sometimes I am sure my husband believes he has married a crazy person. My days are just as unpredictable as a roller coaster. I never know where I am going to be from day to day. I could do art one day, kindergarten the next and sixth grade after that. These classes are not in the same school let alone the same town!

This crazy ride has left me feeling so tired lately.

So why do I do it? What am I gaining? I know that I will feel this way as a full time teacher. From everything I have read and everyone I've talked to, I have learned that I am not alone. It is good to know that. It is also good to know that even though I find being a sub very challenging, I still want to be the very best that I can be. I am still growing and I will never stop learning. I still take time to reflect and read professional literature. I am still working on myself and I still love what I'm doing. That's what I take away from this ride. No matter how crazy it gets, I still love teaching. I still want to teach.

Swear I am mental

Some days I just feel like I'm a mental patient. Perfectly fine this morning and then suddenly sullen and grumpy. Ok. Maybe I know why I'm in a foul mood. I have been getting stir crazy. Not just "I've been alone for too long" crazy but "I feel like I'm loosing myself" crazy.

First off, I managed to land an interview and I bombed it. See previous post for details. They sent me a written rejection letter.

This summer I was offered a summer school teaching position. The experience helped me to realize that I really want my special education certification. So I began my search for a certification program. University of Wyoming offers an amazing program that actually counts towards a masters program if I want to earn my masters. Then I found out that I have to wait till next year to join this program. I also do not know how I will pay for this program.

For some reason this news has put me in a bad mood. Afraid that I might not get to continue with my education. Terrified that I have a degree that I will not use. Saddened by the fact that I might not get to follow my life's passion. Confused as to what others are doing right and what I'm doing wrong.

Maybe I'm not good enough. Maybe I'll never be anything more than a sub. These are the thoughts that are always in my head. I need to learn to move past the negative thoughts and trust myself. Believe that I WILL be a full time teacher some day. I will be a teacher.

The waiting game. Again.

Sigh. Ever have one of those days where you know it's going to be very long? That was today for me. I awoke at four in the morning. My nerves would not let me go back to sleep. SO I began my day. Once I arrived at the school and settled down, we began to serve breakfast. Super Co-worker was making her pancakes while Mr. Know-it-all and the other sub were talking.

Me: Hey, can you two fill up the juices?
Mr. Know-it-all (as other sub follows directions): I was actually planning on waiting for when the students all arrived. (Um... they arrive all at once since they are on a bus, sir brilliance.)
I responded with my usually response to open defiance, a teacher glare. At this point Mr. Know-it-all walks into the kitchen.

While serving breakfast I noticed one of my students was in the middle of an altercation with another student. Not good my friends. This young man really struggles socially and emotionally. I knew right then and there that we were heading for turbulent waters.

I felt like jumping over board today. My student refused to do anything. All day long it was just a fight with this student. The worst was when I had people come into my classroom. First the Councilor came to talk to my class. I was surprised to see him because our school was still finishing up testing. I simply figured he was not going to come so we could finish up our state testing. Nope. He showed up while my students were finishing their tests and while my student was "cooling off" we'll call it. I tell this student that he can cool off if he needs too but that his work will be finished today. Meaning if he choses not to do it in the time I give him then he will be doing it at recess. My hope is for him to self monitor and make wise choices. When my student finally had calmed himself and he was actually working on his paper, the councilor decided he needed to talk to my student. (WHY!!!???) At first my student said he did not want to go and that he wanted to finish the paper. I decided that if the councilor need my student that I would let him go. So I informed my student that he could go with the councilor and then go to recess. That suddenly changed everything!

After recess my student was much more agreeable. We played Multiplication bingo and we were getting along just fine. Some one from District came into my room while we played. District decided that she had a problem with my student using a silly voice. (I know that she had no idea but Why!??!!) She did not notice the warning signs after she had done so. Shortly after she left. When it was time to clear the bingo cards, my student lost it because he didn't win a sticker. So I tried some of the advice the councilor gave me. He told me to give my student a time limit on his emotions. That went so well. (can you hear the sarcasm?) Finally I just let him have his emotions and if he didn't win a sticker that was his responsibility. He made the choice to join in.

On top of my student having a rough day, I had an interview. I really would be surprised if they hired me. I have subbed in this building before and I have not gotten the "we like you" vibes. Only one of them admitted to remembering me. (ouch my pride.) I also know that the teacher that is leaving is amazing and would be hard to replace. Also their questions threw me through loops. They were defiantly different. I had to ask several times for clarification. Which I feel they didn't like. So I would be surprised if I got this position. Oh well!

Time to unwind. Fare the well dear followers!

Another interview

So my stress level should be really high right now. My post assessment of my students did not go so hot. My fault for testing them on a Monday. My students actually lost knowledge (YIKES!) When I handed back the tests and explained that we would go over it and try to raise our scores, most of my students were positive. So we went over our test and it feels like some light bulbs went off today so I'm going to keep my fingers crossed for tomorrow. To top it all off my students have been doing standardized testing. It has not gone well. Our students are not getting the accommodations they need because the test have to be finished by tomorrow. Did I mention that we have two teachers gone to a conference right now? Thankfully the district has sent someone to help us with our testing (since I am not trained for this.)

Another reason for my stress level is a certain sub. We will call him Mr. Know-it-all. He is very interesting. I first learned of Mr. Know-it-all from district 1. He is not allowed in district 1 because he managed to insult a teacher while observing her. As the gossip goes, Mr. Know-it-all asked this teacher an absurd amount of questions while she was teaching. Let's picture this. This teacher is trying to keep a room full of 1st graders' attention on their lesson but is being interrupted by Mr. Know-it-all. Now this teacher was going to let it slide but then Mr. Know-it-all went into the next classroom and began to tell that teacher how he would fix the first teacher's lesson. The second teacher is friends with the first teacher. Needless to say, an e-mail was sent out district wide explaining why he would not be allowed in any classrooms in that school. Ok. Mr. Know-it-all has learned his lesson right? Nope. Just found out that he somehow upset the school in which he was a student teacher (in district 2). I know this because a copy of his apology letter was sent to every one in the district. It's called watch your Ps and Qs!

Now we have Mr. Know-it-all as a sub. Every time I see this man, he asks the same question. "How's the job search going?" Makes sense to ask me that. I am looking for a job. (Hence the blog.) What I find annoying is how he always tells me about the "principals just begging" him to work for them but they are all out of this area. He is choosing to stay with his family. I then get the treat of hearing about what he thinks is unfair or how he "really handled" this tough kid. Conversations with him are so fun. (Insert eye roll.)

Today was very interesting because we had a reporter show up. As she was asking us questions, Mr. Know-it-all felt like he had been there long enough to answer said questions. For example:

Reporter: How do you decide the classroom schedule? Is it decided by the school or by the teacher?
Mr. Know-it-all: We do what we want. As teachers we know what's best.
(Insert my horrified face.)
Super Co-worker to the rescue: Um... We base our schedule on their needs. For example some teachers with younger students do their math in the morning with calender.

Next reason for my stress level to be high, I have a job interview. I had a teacher put in a good word for me with a school for a fifth grade position. I've spent tonight preparing for this interview. I'm sure I'm not ready. I haven't even practiced interview questions. So I should really be stressed, right?

I am not. Weird. Maybe I am just too tired. But I will let all of you know how the interview goes and if I am carted off to the loony bin because of Mr. Know-it-all.

Far well my dear readers.

I'm still alive!

Wow! I was just looking at the last time I was on here! So much has gone on since then. I have had so many wonderful surprises.

First off, I was surprised to find myself finishing the school year at the school I student taught. It was so great getting to hang out with that staff again. They are rock stars. Also the teacher I was called in for does an amazing job with his students. So thankfully they were great (plus it was the end of the year so it's not like I had to teach them any new concepts.)

Then when I thought I was done and settling down to summer, I was asked to be a summer school para with a school that I enjoy working for. I gladly excepted. It sounded like such a great opportunity. The experience was going to teach me so much. Next surprise...I received a phone call asking me to be a summer school teacher instead for a school I also love working at. Yes, please!

I have loved every little minute of this job. We are two weeks in, and I am reminded everyday why I love teaching. When your students suddenly get what you are thrown down it is the best! I love watching a student work their little tail off on a goal and then have that awesome clickie moment where they just get it and can do it with out even thinking. This is what I live for. To help my students grow and be their very best. By the way, we made Hiaku's and my second graders learned division and rocked (especially when I threw in M&Ms.) Even though we have some very unique challenges, I am so looking forward to seeing my kidos tomorrow.

One not so fun surprise was the Boys and Girls club. I was so excited when they called me and asked me if I wanted to volunteer. Even though I was tired from Summer School, I still wanted to volunteer. I felt like it was a good organization and I knew that they needed help. So I met with the person in charge of volunteers (we'll call her Ms. Organized.) She showed me around, introduced me to everyone and we agreed that I would do a writing class and help with a claymation software class. Great! This will be so much fun!

That next week I showed up for my first day. The secretary (we'll call her Ms. Friendly) asked who I was (even though we had met last week.) Knowing that Ms. Friendly is busy and it might be hard to remember some people, I told her my name and that I was suppose to be volunteering that day. She handed me the application form to sign up to volunteer and told me to fill it out. I reminded her (with much patients) that I had already filled it out and that we had met last week. She then told me that the Ms. Organized would call me if I was approved. (SIGH!) I (still patient) reminded her that Ms. Organized had called me and we had set up today as the day I would volunteer. The secretary then informed me that she would have to check with Ms. Organized.

About two minutes into my wait Ms. Friendly pointed at a 3-ring binder and told me to sign in. (Ok. Wait. There is no pen and Ms. Friendly is now on the phone.) After I stared at her for another minute, she finally handed me a pen (without saying a word.) So I look up my name. It is not there and I cannot find any forms to fill out. I begin to stare at Ms. Friendly again. When she hung up, I was finally able to ask for the form. Ms. Friendly (Sighing very loudly) said, "Hand me the book!" She pulled a form out from under a stack of papers in the back pocket. Then explained the form to me after another loud sigh.

I waited around 10 minutes before Ms. Organized showed up (mind you I am already tired from teaching summer school all day.) Ms. Organized told Ms. Friendly that I was in fact in the system (Why didn't Ms. Friendly just look me up? The computer is right there!) Ms. Organized then told two little girls to show me around. (ummm... okkkk.) That was the last I saw of Ms. Organized. In fact that was the last time I was talked to by an adult. Obviously all the staff members had forgotten what services I had offered.

It was such an awful experience. The game room was loud, rough, and disorganized. The few people who were trying to help these kids have structure, were undermined by there own coworkers. I also felt like they should have provided me with a helmet, since I was almost knocked unconscious so many times by pool Q's. What really surprises me is that this organization has the nerve to blame the adults in our community for their lack of volunteers.

Now off to a much deserved bubble bath and coffee.

Oh the places I will go

Today I did not get called in. So I have had a very productive day off. I have applied to be a volunteer with the Boys & Girls Club, sent an e-mail in an attempt to finalize my summer plans, visited the doctor and went SHOPPING! Despite my awful veins I bought a CUTE skirt! (I totally negotiated with myself while trying it on. "I can just wear pantie hose." "If I lose more weight, maybe my veins will get better. They have already started receding.") The internal voice won. I also bought a new pair of khaki's and a jacket that normally I would point out to my friends Tracy or Biz. (They pull these kinds of jackets off soo well. Maybe it is because they have cute taste and amazing outfits.) But again the voice in my head talked me into it. "Come on. You can pull this off. It will look so great with your new pants. This out fit screams trendy teacher!" So the voice won, again. Finally I purchased a shiny dangly necklace and a fun beaded necklace. Oh and did I mention I got all of this for $58! That's right, super savy!

I have defiantly needed some new clothing. It is very awkward to get called in and not to know if you have pants to wear! Also getting called into district 1 has been very interesting. First day, I was called in at 9:00am to work in the Therapeutic Learning Center (TLC). This is a classroom for students who have a hard time with emotions or focusing on their work because of medical issues. My heart really goes out to these kids. They have so much that they have to deal with but they are such fantastic kids. The staff does a great job helping these students work through what they are dealing with. These kids were so fun to work with. The teachers let me do a read aloud with the students and I could have just taken them home with me. They hung on my every word, made predictions, and discussed the book so well! I LOOOOVED these kids. Working in this classroom was such a great experience.

Another fun experience came the next day when I was called in 10 minutes before the school bell rang. I showed up ready to teach a third grade class only a few minutes after the bell rang. Found out that the sub plans where thrown together in the last minute by the teacher's colleges but only up to lunch. Those poor colleges were soo worried for me. They informed me that the class was not always the best behaved and that their teacher got sick on her drive to work (hence the lack of plans).

When I sent my students off to their specialists, I sat down with the other teachers. They told me what they thought I should for the afternoon. So I wrote down my sub plans. That afternoon I pretty much threw those plans out. Found out one of my kids didn't have a copy of the packet we had planned to work on, so I read them some Shel Silverstein and we spent writing time making poems. The kids were so into the poems that several of them spent their indoor recess writing more. (That's right we also had indoor recess that day. Murphy's law was in full affect that day.) Then, as I was settling the kids down and digging into a math lesson one of the teachers popped her head into the room. Turns out we had an assembly. (Have I mentioned that I hate assemblies?) These kids however were wonderful. I had no problems with them. So as a reward we spent the last part of the day playing the "get to know you" game. They loved it.

The kids were great and the staff said that I was very impressive. They told me they loved how calm I was and how impressive I was when things fell through. They also told me that they hope to see me again. (I love leaving schools with this impression!)