Some days I just feel like I'm a mental patient. Perfectly fine this morning and then suddenly sullen and grumpy. Ok. Maybe I know why I'm in a foul mood. I have been getting stir crazy. Not just "I've been alone for too long" crazy but "I feel like I'm loosing myself" crazy.
First off, I managed to land an interview and I bombed it. See previous post for details. They sent me a written rejection letter.
This summer I was offered a summer school teaching position. The experience helped me to realize that I really want my special education certification. So I began my search for a certification program. University of Wyoming offers an amazing program that actually counts towards a masters program if I want to earn my masters. Then I found out that I have to wait till next year to join this program. I also do not know how I will pay for this program.
For some reason this news has put me in a bad mood. Afraid that I might not get to continue with my education. Terrified that I have a degree that I will not use. Saddened by the fact that I might not get to follow my life's passion. Confused as to what others are doing right and what I'm doing wrong.
Maybe I'm not good enough. Maybe I'll never be anything more than a sub. These are the thoughts that are always in my head. I need to learn to move past the negative thoughts and trust myself. Believe that I WILL be a full time teacher some day. I will be a teacher.
